Realistic Expectations
I for one can say I was extremely influenced by what I read online/what people “I followed” were suggesting/promoting when I first became a parent. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing really. I was overwhelmingly winging it.
Seeing others portray their success and/or confidence in what they were doing with their newborns/babies acted like a glimmer of hope for me in the midst of my sleepless nights and nosedive into motherhood. I clutched onto lots of things without questioning the need for them, if what I was experiencing was even a problem and if I was asking too much of myself and my newborn/baby?
Time and education has given me the headspace and confidence to reflect on this. I found the newborn days really tough. I spent so much time, far too much of my time really, online seeking validation for what I was doing or looking for the answer to my problems to just fall into my lap like a lottery win. I can honestly say that my expectations on Clyde and myself were far too high. I really didn’t know any better but I expected too much of myself and him.
I wish it could have been easier however I like to use life’s lessons as positively as I can and help others where I would have loved the help. One of my favourite sayings is “you don’t know what you don’t know” and honestly, that couldn’t be truer about when you become a parent. Your head is on a constant 360 spin of love, overwhelm, hormones and exhaustion. It’s bloody intense.
So what role can we play in changing this unnecessary pressure that we and often, society place on new parents? It really does start with us. Taking the time to learn what you can about your baby and your post partum mind and body before your baby arrives and after, is right up there. It will take some time and effort to find the people who can support and educate you in the areas you want to learn about but trust me, they are there waiting for you.
But what if your baby is here now and the WOW has seriously kicked in. You find yourself endlessly scrolling online and trying absolutely everything. Stop and breathe. It’s easy to get to this place however acknowledging it’s not where you want to be is the important thing. You want to take control back. Understand what you and your baby need and want and start slow and easy.
The biggest thing I want to share is that some things that get so much spotlight online when your baby is tiny are not problems, they don’t require fixing. They are unique needs for your newborn or baby and your role is to support then through this phase/period and not try and fix something which isn’t broken. By doing this you are putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself and your baby and by acknowledging that what’s going on is very much normal and a need, you can feel the weight being lifted off of your shoulders and start to relax more into your current normal.
Online can give us so much however, it can take so much too. Educating yourself rather than just going with what is being said/promoted is a great place to start. Yes, it requires a little more headspace initially from you however it will empower you rather than steal your confidence. It will also allow you to make informed decisions based on your own babies unique needs, rather than that of someone else’s.
I feel it’s important to repeat this part. Many things that you experience with your newborn/baby do not need fixed; they are a need, not a problem. Be okay with questioning the integrity behind what someone is promoting or suggesting, things are often not as clear as they may seem. You will forever know best when it comes to your baby. Take the heat off of yourself and be your own biggest fan. We deserve the cheers.
