Why “mum guilt” can do one - Guest Blog - Katy of Born Ready Baby Hypnotherapy

Before I became a parent, I’d always heard people talk about the so-called “mum guilt”, and I knew that I would be riddled with it for sure. I reckoned it was a given if my sensitive nature and propensity for guilt before motherhood was anything to go by. So, I surrendered myself to that future.  

What I hadn’t accounted for, was how that would feel. How exhausting it would be. How sad it would make me feel. How I would end up feeling guilty about feeling guilty. It was too much.  

The opportunities for guilt to creep in feel endless, no matter what decisions we make. Guilt for missing that nursery event. Guilt for being there but missing work. Guilt for being distracted. Guilt for not "treasuring every moment". Guilt for missing things about your old life.  Desperately seeking a break, but not wanting to miss a single moment. 

Since becoming a Clinical Hypnotherapist and diving deeper into the root causes and drivers of our emotions and behaviours, things suddenly felt a whole lot clearer.  

It’s not the guilt that’s the problem (well, not exclusively), it’s how we perceive that guilt.  

We feel guilty for letting the guilt zap our energy and attention.  

We feel guilty about not feeling only positive about parenting. 

We feel guilty because our guilt then causes frustration, which leads us to snap.  

But a big part of this is down to the way we perceive guilt. We see it as a negative emotion. As a punishment for something we're doing or not doing. 

But I’d challenge you to think, what is that emotion of guilt trying to tell you.  

It’s saying that you care.  

That you want to be a great parent.  

That you love your child.  

That you want to do right by them.  

It only has positive intent.  

So many of the behaviours that people come to me as a Hypnotherapist wanting to change, come from positive intent. And when we can start to understand that we can channel it in way more helpful and positive ways. To help to resolve that inner conflict. 

Taking a moment to really ask yourself – what do I really want here? With a sense of perspective asking what decision feels most aligned with what my true intention is.  

And letting yourself off the hook! You’re not a bad person, you’re not a bad parent, acknowledge what the intention is and then let that guide you to making the decision.  

So next time you start to feel the dreaded mum guilt taking over, take a moment to ask yourself:  

What is this trying to tell me? 

How does this fit into my expectations of parenthood?  

What can I learn from this? 

What is the positive intention of this emotion? 

Acknowledge the feeling, take what you want from it, and then let it go.  

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just doing our best. And your best is good enough.  

*Katy is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, fully qualified Hypnobirthing teacher, birth trauma recovery practitioner and Doula based in Glasgow.

Find out more about all of Katy’s amazing work and support she offers by clicking here.