My Sleep Obsession Journey

“Orthosomnia”, the medical term for an unhealthy obsession with getting the perfect nights sleep. I personally had never heard of this term or in fact, that there was even such a condition like this that people suffered from. I first found out about it when I was the perfect candidate for the condition after having my son.

Having a baby during a global pandemic came with a lot of unexpected experiences. No antenatal care and minimal/no post natal care, no “village” to help you raise your baby/support you on your journey and finally, the dependency on the internet/books to guide and support you on your journey. Now this is my own experience. No two of us will ever feel the same and my aim in sharing this is to provide some more visibility around how common sleep obsession can be in early parenthood.

I hadn’t yet trained in my profession and wasn’t aware that some of my habits around my son’s sleep were unhealthy. It was actually the realisation of this mixed with my desire to help more parents on their sleep journeys that drove me to train and do what I do now. Very early on in Clyde’s life I started using a sleep app. Initially this was to track nappies and feeds however I quickly got hooked on recording every sleep. I think the fact it was one thing I was in control of made it more important to me. I documented everything and made choices based on what I had recorded.

Now, when used safely and more casually, sleep apps most definitely have their benefits. I am not bashing them. I do however know from first hand experience that they can become extremely obsessive and drive some serious anxiety very quickly in those early months of your little ones life. I used to freak when I have forgot to press record for a nap or a night wake, in the fear that by doing so, I had somehow screwed up Clyde’s sleep. Typing this now I can’t quite believe this way my headspace but it was and it wasn’t great.

I recall watching the timing count up minute by minute, knowing that 33 minutes is usually when Clyde would wake from a nap and I could feel my anxiety rising. There was zero good coming from me tracking sleep so aggressively but I couldn’t let go of it. I think during a time where none of us had much control of anything going on around us in the world, I clutched onto this so much as it gave me something to feel in control of. I also desperately wanted Clyde to nap for longer and was convinced this app was the answer to my dreams. Pardon the pun.

It was at around the 6 month mark where I had had enough. I realised that I had lost control and was obsessed with Clyde’s sleep and was pretty anxious everyday when it came to naps. I felt lost, at fault and knee deep in every bit of advice going on the internet/social media trying to get him to nap longer. Nothing worked.

At this point, I decided to learn more about infant sleep and qualify as an Infant Sleep Coach. This two ended goal was to initially help me and Clyde and also to help as many other parents out there that I could. It is so easy to become obsessed with sleep or your lack of it and I quickly learned that the one person who would teach me best was Clyde. By watching him, getting totally in tune with his unique needs and looking at sleep from a 24hr perspective rather than nap by nap, I quickly made some serious changes to how my days looked. The app went. It didn’t make me feel good. The many different sleep social media accounts I followed, I unfollowed. Too much advice, often conflicting with each other was causing me to be confused or question my own parenting choices, so I said goodbye and only followed the accounts for sleep which meet my values and needs as a parent.

If you feel lost, overwhelmed, anxious or can even identify with having an obsession with your little ones sleep, please know you are not alone. Part of me believes it is an unavoidable part of the process of having a young baby, however it’s place in your life should be short lived as you adjust to your new normal as a parent. Take the time to ask yourself if the baby app’s, social media sleep account’s and books are making you feel good, happy and just as importantly, educating you to make safe and informed choices for yourself.

We are all learning as we go, every step of the way. Be kind to yourself and know that you are trying your best.